https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D4P3TCXZ/
What inspired you to write Mommy, Am I Ugly?
I wrote this book because I see daily how being
rejected because of our looks negatively impacts us as children, teens, and even
adults. As a public educator, a mother,
and a person who dealt with this type of pain, I know these wounds go deep and
impact our self-worth.
Can you share a personal experience that influenced the
themes in your book?
As a little girl, I felt the sting of people’s comments
about the size of my nose and the shape and size of my legs. It made me conscientious and ashamed of my
physical features. As a teen, I wished I could afford plastic surgery to make
myself more socially acceptable. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with my
first child that it occurred to me that she may inherit that same nose. How
would my daughter have confidence in who she is if I didn’t first? This was
only confirmed when I realized my features connected me to those who came
before me. Moving to the South where
people often identified family by their physical commonalities helped me to see
this. I look like a Rivers. I look like
my people.
How did you decide on the title of the book?
Deciding the title of this book was easy. I picked a question that my children have
asked me in some form or fashion, a question that I was too ashamed to ask my
elders directly. Conversely, it has been hard to keep the book this title. It speaks of vulnerability and the
unpleasantness in life that many of us have to face. I try to imagine this
being on children’s bookshelves with this title and it is hard, but it also
speaks to a place where many of us were wounded and remain unhealed. For this
reason, I have not changed the title to something more pleasant sounding.
What do you hope children will learn from reading your book?
First, I hope children learn empathy. I hope they realize that unkind words hurt
others, but more than that, I hope they expand their definition of beauty. I
hope they learn to appreciate differences in other people as they do in the
many creatures in nature. Most importantly, I hope that children can anchor
their esteem in the beauty of their heritage and uniqueness rather than
society’s often narrow view of physical attractiveness.
What role do you see for adults in addressing the
issues raised in your book?
I advise adults to read this book to or with children. It addresses simple yet profound truths that can be missed if an adult is not there to guide children to see them. This is a sensitive topic for which many children hide their pain and shame. Adults have to prepare themselves to hold space for these emotions, not condemn brush over, or bury them. The goal is to give anyone reading this book a healthy and real pathway to escape the trap of low self-worth and esteem that this issue often produces.
How did you approach writing about such a sensitive
topic for young readers?
I looked at humanity's fascination with nature. I pondered this for a long time before
sharing it with young ladies that I mentored. They were struggling with
self-acceptance, and I had to point out that we accept the differences in most
species as unique and beautiful, but when it comes to other human beings we
often reject differences. I recall chaperoning trips to the zoo and seeing the
eyes of children light up with wonder as we visited each animal. I felt that if I could take people back to
that place of acceptance and awe, maybe it could transfer to how we see
differences in each other.
Were there any challenges you faced while developing
the characters or storyline?
I had to choose who would represent this story that
belongs to so many people. I had to
decide if it would be represented by one ethnicity or not. I chose the silhouette because I think this
story belongs to humanity. No people group has been exempted from this
rejection or pain. It's my story, my children’s, my students, my co-workers, my
church members, and the like. I felt
some pressure to make it about one people group, but in the end, I left room for
anyone to see themselves in this character.
What feedback have you received from readers so far?
One of my first readers was my teenage son. When he
heard the title, he laughed (I expected this from a boy his age), but as he kept
reading, his face changed. His comment
to me was that this book is not just for children, it is for any age. I have heard this sentiment repeated multiple
times. I have had adults tell me they
cried after reading it as I did after I finished writing it. It takes people to a vulnerable place, but it
engenders healing. People have purchased
it for their children and grandchildren because the message doesn’t just build
personal esteem but connection and pride in one’s heritage.
Are there any resources you recommend for parents or
educators who want to explore the themes of the book further?
I am developing a workbook to accompany “Mommy, Am I Ugly?” because this book takes the reader on three different types of explorations: nature, genealogy, and personal. Nonetheless, a parent or educator can always have children explore their family tree and the unique features and traits the family carries. Teaching children to explore and embrace their ethnic heritage can go a long way in building true esteem. Exposing children to the cultural make-up of others can go a long way in helping other students accept and celebrate the differences in others.
Do you have plans to
write more books on similar topics?
I plan on writing two additional
books in this series. They are going to address
two other sensitive areas that my journey through public schools as a student
and a teacher has highlighted for me. My
desire is not to just point out the issues, but to continue to bring healing in
common childhood injuries that often go unaddressed.