Q. The
Awakening looks like a great self-journey.
What can you tell us about it?
The
Awakening follows the harrowing story of my life as a “Colored” born in
South Africa, who has lived a life that few would envy but many will see
themselves in. Born “Cape Colored”, as they say in South Africa, I am of mixed
race, which made me a target of much ire or ill-will home and abroad as an
Immigrant.
My struggles
go beyond my race. Born to a man who lived much of his life in the closet, my
familiarity with secrets and shame became all too apparent as my life
progressed. From sexual abuse to homelessness; to a move to the United States,
and then bad marriage; my life has been paved by traumas and struggles.
This poignant
memoir not only details my struggles but also aims to inspire others. Although
my own story is riddled with unspeakable pain, it also offers insights into how
I rose above the trauma and heartache and found a path forward—one that lends
itself to help other trauma victims and advocate for their needs and well-being. After
becoming a Domestic worker, I experienced a modern form of abuse. The abuse
continued with a trade. This continuous abuse opened an opportunity for me to
have two bills written and passed, making it law.
I started my
company “My Character References LLC” after losing my place on referral sites
following some negative reviews that did not accurately represent me as a
professional worker. I came to America as an immigrant, and following my
divorce had to take work as a domestic worker. I joined online sites that
utilized a referral basis, and when I received these negative comments, my
positive reviews were hidden or even deleted, and I had no recourse.
I decided to
use my personal experiences to assist others in similar situations. I realize
that many people in this industry were minorities, people of color and
immigrants. My Character References is a website that maintains employee
histories for domestic workers, home health aides, and anyone working in the
personal care industries, more specifically immigrants who might not be able to
get due process. My goal is for all workers to have a place where they can feel
safe and can keep their reviews, both good and bad, alive without fear of their
profiles being deleted altogether. Not only did I make a difference for
immigrants and essential workers with ways to protect them, I also wrote a book
called “The Awakening” where I share my story to help others in similar
situations.
Q. That is
an amazing cover. Can you tell us a
little about it?
The cover represents two
particularly important flags. They have a different meaning for me. The South
African flag, the green, blue, white, yellow and black; my dad was a closet
bisexual man until his passing in 2005. South African is also known as the
‘Rainbow Nation’ The Rainbow Nation was the name given to South Africa by
Archbishop Desmond Tutu after its first democratic election in 1994 since
apartheid ended. It is a metaphor for the coming together of all different
people who live in South Africa, a nation with 11 official languages. The
constantly changing microclimates give a feeling of entering a completely
different world constantly, all within one country, South Africa.
The American flag, the stars, blue
and red; In San Francisco, where I reside, also known as the Bay Area; the
Rainbow colors represent the rainbow flag as a rainbow that is used as a
symbol. This flag is in honor of my dad, who was a closet gay man, that later
became bisexual. This flag awards me the peace that I lost for many years,
being ashamed of having a ‘gay’ father. Particularly for the “colored”
community of the Western Cape, I share my story growing up, and what are the
consequences of not allowing the rights of the LGBTQ, how my siblings,
especially my brothers, have been damaged and how we still suffer silently.
‘Story of a South African
American’ - the
title: I came to the USA in 2003 with my then 10-year-old daughter. Both of us
became US citizens in 2011.
For me, these two flags needed to
tell my story. The story of the ‘untold secrets’ and how America has liberated
me, Empowered me. That was when I openly could talk to my dad about being gay
and how he suffered all his life until the age of 62 when he passed.
Q. What
will readers get out of your book?
What readers
will get out of this book is what I call a ‘road map to reality’ When I came to
the USA on a K1 visa, also known as a 90 visa, or Fiancé visa, I had no idea
what was waiting for me. When I met my ‘American love’ I let all the ‘common
sense hit a brain freeze. Of course, it is America, The Superpower of the
World. I forgot that they too have laws, questions; they are a country with
people like me. I let it all slide. And of course, what I learnt is that the
grass is greener on the other side, but it needs to be watered. When I wrote
this book, I wanted to create it for another ‘me’ had I read a book like this, I would have
been well prepared, and I would have made better decisions. This book also
talks about the many resources which I had as an immigrant that no one told me
about. I did not realize that America did have protections for people like me.
Q. Did
anything stick out as particularly challenging when writing The Awakening?
The biggest
challenge for me had to go to a place I did not want to go. But to find therapy
and face my fears and challenges head-on, I had to go back to that place; the
place where I for 50 years, did not want to go to. I can also say, child
trauma, child abuse, and dysfunctional family lifestyle do follow us. It
followed me. What is normal for many is not normal for most. What I mean is
that more people do not go through abuse, ‘the normal’ that I am referring to.
For me to move on and accept that I did not choose my abusers, I had to write
this book. We do not have to look too far to see, that sexual assault, abuse,
power, and money is the ‘new norm’. The lawmakers around the world are the
abusers.
Q. Can you
tell us a little about your background?
I grew up in a big family surrounded
by many challenges. From living with a father who was a closet gay, to the
experiencing sexual abuse at a young age, and facing a divorce and becoming
homeless, I have overcome all of these throughout my life.
I along with my young daughter
moved to the U.S.A on a K1 visa and experienced a life turning struggle. I
divorced and once again experienced a different type of abuse. This opened the
doors for abuse on a higher level of power, harassment, and sexual assault,
except this time it received a stamp of approval.
I realized that human right is
highly politicized. I began representing the many immigrants who migrate to the
U.S.A to live the dream such as myself to bring the long-awaited change. This
beginning was the result of My Character Reference, a storage database for
people, specifically immigrants and people of color to be entrepreneurs. To
find comfort and deal with my trauma, as a Domestic Worker, and having cried
out for help, for protection in private homes as a Domestic Worker, I successfully
got a bill authored and it became law. I found writing this book, helped me
face the shame and relieve me from the sickness I suffered, I no longer feel
sick, because my secret is out.
Q. Where
can readers find out more about your work?
The Awakening
is for anyone who has ever felt like they did not belong, for anyone who has
ever been victimized, and for anyone who seeks inspiration and hope after
trauma. I turned the layers of abuse and exploitation into a solution; an
online storage database called My Character References https://www.mycharacterreferences.com/
Where the book is available to purchase. A great way to read briefs of my story
is on https://carmelfoster.net/where
you can place an order.
****----****----****